Aftermath of Sunday

Sunday evening Ariel texted me asking if we could throw that idea out because it was never really well thought out and it wasn't something she wanted. Ok, I'm fine with throwing the idea out BUT why did that idea cross your mind in the first place? That's what I wanted to know.

I called her up and I told her how I felt...or at least part of how I felt. I said that for the past few days it seemed like she was ignoring my calls and texts. I told her I know she's busy but flat out not returning anything was alarming to me. She told me that last week had been stressful and that she wasn't sure she could handle a relationship. This was told to LM. LM, trying to be a friend to the both of us, told me that. And that's why Ariel called me up in the morning to tell me we should go on a break.

Ariel, quite unconvincingly (unconvincing due to the fact that, I shall assume here, she didn't want to have this conversation, I didn't either) told me that a break wasn't what she wanted. I told her that for this to continue, which I wanted it to, we need to communicate. Without communication, this relationship can't go anywhere. We're going to stay in the same place, going around and around. She agreed to that, and then told me she didn't like my dependency on her to be happy. This thought had come across my mind, but her vocalizing it made it true. She's right. It's not good for me to depend on her for my happiness. It's not good for her and it's definitely not good for me.

I said I'd work on that because I need to. This summer, I've had so much free time I can just sit and think. Think good thoughts, think bad thoughts, think everything. Although this talk was 2 days ago, I already feel better in terms of my dependency. I don't feel the need to text her every single second of the day. Nor do I feel the need to keep my phone on me every second. I also don't feel the need to stop what I'm doing to respond to a text. If I'm eating food, folding clothes, driving, or with friends. It feels better. If she doesn't text me immediately or even within the hour, it's ok. I don't mind Last week, however, it was a different sort of not responding or replying. Like there was a wall; a wall due to the lack of communication.

I have a job interview today at 3pm. I was supposed to see her today as well. It would've been a stretch to go visit and then come back for the interview. The emotional, soft side of me wanted to go visit, reschedule the interview and have a good time. But then I stopped and thought about it. I need to do what's good for me too. I need to get this job!!! Haha. So I decided to pass on visiting. I know this week I will see her.

There has been a change, it seems like, from the both of us. It is for the better.

-GJW