So much has happened it would be pointless for me to fill you guys in. Not pointless, but rather time consuming. Time that I don't have to or want to or emotionally can spend on this. What I can tell you guys is that all was superficially forgiven-I forgave her even though I know I shouldn't have. I know I should've just said good bye and good riddance, but I didn't, I couldn't. I know that she knows that too. She knew that I wouldn't just up and leave. Hence she didn't try so hard to look like she regretted it. Which she didn't. I know that much too. She regrets getting caught. She's angry with SK for telling me the whole truth. She's angry with LM for telling me shit that happened over summer.

But for me to type all this for you guys to read isn't so healthy for me. It's like rehashing it and continuously reliving it. Reliving an emotional hell.

What I can say, is that if I ever see Andre on campus, I don't care who the fuck is around me I will fucking kill him (disclaimer-of course I won't actually kill him, but I just hope that shows my intense anger for that motherfucker). I hope it hurts for him to see me with AP. But I don't want Andre to be the only one to hurt, I want her to hurt too......haha maybe she will...who knows...(I do)...

I question if I really have forgiven. It doesn't sound like it from this post haha. It sounds like I'm suppressing my anger. What I need to do is truly forgive, so I can move on with MY life. Not so she can get away from what she did to me. No, I'm not forgiving her for her own sake. I have to forgive her for my sake so that I can move on with my life and not harbor the anger that is inevitable. Of course, trust issues have taken place Last night, I didn't know where you went and I was almost sure that you went to see Andre. It's malignant trust issues like this that need to go away-you need to make them go away. This is a repercussion of your actions.

You are malignant. You are malignant because your first love and relationship went sour and you never properly fixed that. You will not be happy for a long time if you hold on to all this hurt and pain. Don't even kid yourself and say you've forgiven Andre. No, you haven't forgiven him otherwise you wouldn't have fucked him.

All while I sit here and get played for the millionth time. SK was right-you're making me look like a fool and I am getting played so hard. You got me in the palm of your hands. Snap your fingers and automatically the fight you caused will have been my fault. You like that, but it's not enough to keep you. Nothing is.

-GJW