Pensive

Confession: I finally got in a relationship with J. It was bound to happen, and it finally did in October.

It's all a long story, but long story short I'm starting to feel doubt over our relationship. Mainly over the fact that it's long distance. He's in a different state than me, and it's hard to make time for a person you don't see on a regular basis. I really like being in a relationship with him and I've truly grown to love him, but the negatives are starting to take a toll. When we were together during winter break, it was wonderful because I got to see him so often and we always talked to each other. At college, though, it's a totally different story.  At college, it's like I have to make time for him, and I've noticed I dont mind if we don't text or talk that much throughout the day. In all honesty, it's kind of an annoyance when he texts me even if his texts are so adorable. I'm not sure what to do because I do want to be in a relationship with him, but I can't help these feelings.

The thought of him coming to visit me or spending time with him in person is so wonderful. But going to college, I honestly feel like I'm single again. I'm not going to do anything that could hurt him, but it just doesn't seem like we're in a relationship when we're apart.

Mehh, this post is so unsatisfying because I don't know what to do. I really love being in a relationship with him, but he's definitely starting to cross my mind less. Maybe it was because this weekend was crazy fun (at least that's what I'm hoping for because I can't afford for anything else).

To change things, I'm going to start texting him more and whatnot, to maybe rekindle and give it another go. I'm certainly not giving up, I just think it's a phase that I'm going through.

That's all I can say about J for now.

-GJW